Sham Roguery and Orange Blossoms,

• The Public Relations office at Herbert Park Rangers was inundated, overwhelmed, and otherwise taken aback at the response to the recently announced moves to broaden the club’s appeal and diversify our fanbase (ref: the recent establishment of our Loyal Orange Lodge). Those subscribers joining the mailing list today will be perplexed at what is going on here; those subscribers on the mailing list for some time will also be perplexed. Likewise the editorial team; we, too, are perplexed. Great word ‘perplexed’ – it’s like ‘perspex’ but not as transparent.

• In a spirit of reconciliation and bridge-building, and to prove that the club is not supportive of Orange triumphalism and our British right to march the Queen’s Highway; the Board organised a musical festival of Taig bog-trotter music this past weekend at the RDS (and never forget that the ‘R’ stands for ‘Royal’). Anyway, the club played host to 30,000 unwashed, sweaty culchies of the Republican persuasion at an orgy of diddly-ie music to show that we value their culture and whatnot, God bless them and their potato harvest. The highlight of the night was the final act – an unwashed, sweaty culchie of the Republican persuasion, banging a small, handheld version of the Lambeg Drum. At the very end, some other unshowered Trad shower played the fast song, and much jumping up and down began. This went down a treat, especially with Johnny B., who really got into the spirit of things by coming dressed as a H-Block hunger striker.

• Lovely weather today, isn’t it?

• There may or may not be a game of football as usual or not in El Stadio Daddio Magnifico Herbert Olympico Hampden Park Neucamp Maine Road Bernabau San Siro Giants Penrith Palladium Stadium of Light Fantastic Free Londonderry of Perchance to Dreams Welcome to This Evening’s Cabaret Cauldron of Burnination NürburgRing of Fire in the Disco No Surrender tomorrow at 6:00 PM. 

• Highlighter of the week – definitely this lemony highlighter here on my left. It’s made by Stabilo, and it smells of acetone. Hmmm, acetoney. 

• In other controversial announcements, Herbert Park Rangers is throwing its weight behind the Campaign to Impeach the Committee (of UCDCC). The Board is so determined to see this shambolic mess of an organisational structure disbanded that it is also throwing KP’s weight behind it also. Several members of the Committee have also pledged their support for this impeachment drive, which will feature a petition, cake-bake, and dirty protest. Details in due course.

• Portuguese Footballing Phrase of the Week: ‘Qualquer um para o último poucas escolhas, agora?’ which means, as you well know by now, ‘Anyone for the last few Choc Ices, now?’