How now, brown cow?

• The Board of Herbert Park Rangers undertook a fact-finding mission to the U.K. this past weekend and spent some time observing how things are done by the English over there in Londonderry. An eye-opening experience in which we learned the truth behind Papist Fenian oppression of the hardworking, loyal Queen’s subjects going about their peaceful business. The upshot of this research is that the club is thinking of adding a bigoted sectarian political wing to complement the football side of the organisation. This would raise the profile of the club - much needed, given the recent disrespect shown the club by Brian Kerr is failing to select any of our squad for international duty. It would also attract an unruly, mob element to enliven home games at the riot-friendly El Stadio Daddio Magnifico Herbert Olympico Hampden Park Neucamp Maine Road Bernabau San Siro Giants Penrith Palladium Stadium of Light Fantastic Free Londonderry of Perchance to Dreams Cauldron of Burnination NürburgRing of Fire in the Disco No Surrender. The new agenda would place us somewhere between Glasgow Rangers and the Wimbledon Crazy Gang and give us additional press coverage. 

• Today I am reminded of that episode of The Simpsons in which Bart is looking at one of those Where’s Wally? pictures in which Wally is the only person in the picture and he’s just leaning against a tree making no effort to hide. I feel like that right now in relation to the football bulletin. 

• In a parallel development, Herbert Park Rangers is seeking to align itself with the newly-formed UCDCC Loyal Orange Lodge (estd. 2003). This newest branch of Unionism was formed at the weekend and seeks to preserve a loyalist culture, march the traditional route (as our fathers and forefathers did before us), and oppress Taigs. More on that story as the ‘see-chew-eh-shun’ develops. 

• Speaking of smelly, bone-idle Papists; the Board ran into two beardie weirdie sea kayakers at Malin Head. These two baby-eating Catholics are circumnavigating West Britain and are expected in Dublin, the provincial capital, the weekend after next. There will be a civic reception, possibly in Flannery’s, to mark this event. UCDCC LOL (estd. 2003) will be ready to give them a best-of-British reception; they’re already practising on the flute and Lambeg drums. There will be more on that next week. 

• Portuguese Footballing Phrase of the Week: ‘Nenhuma Rendição!’ which means, of course, ‘No Surrender!’